So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've blown a few things in my day
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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