Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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