i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
