The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
