I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
