I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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