i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
