i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
