In the future we'll all be gay
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
