So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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