I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I skipped work to stalk him.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
