i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I FOUND THE LEGS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
