Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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