paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sorry about my life...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
