I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
