don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
