i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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