just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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