I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
