so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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