Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
