OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
