Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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