already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
