i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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