Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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