Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
