Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
