I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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