dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I am midnight drunk by noon
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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