so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
