How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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