He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
