my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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