He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
