youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
