Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
