yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
