Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
