Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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