What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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