I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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