Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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