no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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