why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
