one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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