At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
