Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Found the puke drawer
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
