Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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