I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
