Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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