im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
